Food Review: Fat's Revisited

I like beer.

I don't like people.

So a place like Fat's, is easy for me to love.

As far as I can tell they keep a bartender, waitress and cook on staff at all times. An amazing waitress! I love the woman who works at Fat's. She is amazing! I have never once not had an amazing experience at Fat's. The wait staff deftly handles the most obnoxious customer, while still managing to do their job exceptionally well.

The tables are never full and pool is the big draw for most of the men there. Also, it seems kind of coupley as in guys like to take women there and "teach" them pool. I say "teach" because my observation skills tell me if this isn't an excuse for groping, it's an excuse for showing off a largely unnecessary life skill.

I love Fat's nachos because I love cheese. The nachos are served with an awesome salsa with corn so it's this great combination of sweet and spicy. The nachos are a giant serving with tons of sour cream, onions and olives and just a teensy little bit of tomatoes (they could totally up that on the plate).

They only have six beers on tap so I always end up getting Uinta's Golden Spike Hefeweizen, but they do offer a few different bottles as well. The Golden Spike is decent, and definitely helped by the slice of lemon Fat's serves on the side.

Fat's is a great, quiet bar where it's easy to feel comfortable gorging on grease while drinking a beer.

Food Review: Dear diner, Don't touch my coffee!

Apparently all it takes to get service is man parts.

On Sunday I went to Blue Plate Diner with CBC and I had the best service from the wait staff there ever. Really, when I walked in by myself I waited about five minutes for the owner (who I blame Blue Plate's awful service on) to notice me and put my name on the list. Even though the line looked obscenely long, he said it would be about a 15 minute wait.

The second CBC shows up, we were seated on the patio. This never happens to me and the girls. We always wait forever to get our name on the list, then wait to be seated at an indoor table then wait another ten minutes for a server to ask us if we want coffee. Blue Plate is sexist or at least the wait staff seems more inclined to treat the men better than the ladies. That's it-I'm dressing in drag next time I go there. Maybe if I look like I belong on the wait staff, I won't have to wait.

I have very strong feelings about my coffee. What is with a server's need to put coffee in my cup every time they walk by? Coffee is a delicate balance of cream, sugar and coffee. Why are servers so intent on messing it up? I have it down to a science--one part sugar, two parts cream and three parts coffee. If a server adds coffee, they ruin the ratio. And my coffee is not the delicious sugary mess it was before.

I told my server three times, I didn't want her to add coffee to my cup. And every time she looked at me like I was crazy. What? I don't want you to ruin the deliciousness going on here, lady. Why would I knowingly let you corrupt my coffee? Geez. Maybe, I should explain the coffee ratios to her--that will totally help me sound less crazy.

Both CBC and I had the Blue Plate Breakfast, which is eggs, toast and hash browns. The eggs were fried just right and the toast was slathered with butter, which makes my tummy happy. But the hash browns? I just don't get it, Blue Plate.

I'm not sure why the fried potato chunks mixed with onions and bell peppers are even called hash browns. Breakfast fries would be more appropriate. Also they should come with a warning that they are unevenly cooked and the potatoes spend part of their life in a freezer without the onions and bell peppers. You will be able to taste the difference no matter how not-picky-about-potatoes-weird you are.

In the end, it was my best Blue Plate experience, which means they topped out at just above mediocre. There are still other breakfast places in town I like more. But I have a little more faith in this 50s-esque diner on 2100 South 2100 East as long as I bring my man parts.

Food Recipe: Tamales

As per Rikki's request, courtesy of Amber.

Slow Cooker Mexican Style Meat

The yummy stuff for inside the tamale.

2-3 lbs. Pork roast (we used a butt roast and 4 lbs.)

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 large onion chopped

1 and 1/4 cups diced green chilie pepper

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon garlic powder

hot pepper sauce

Add everything to crock pot and let cook over night -- you could also let it simmer covered on the stove. When the pork is done, use two forks to shred it into small pieces. Later, we'll wrap the shredded pork in the masa and corn husks to make a tamale.

After you shred the pork, this is a good time to crumble Mexican cheese (queso) and slice canned jalapenos. Of course, you should experiment and use what you like for inside your tamale.

Masa

The delicious corn mixture surrounding the shredded pork, cheese and peppers.

2 cups Masa Mix (tan bag)

1 teaspoon chicken stock granules

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 tablespoon New Mexico Chili Powder

1 tablespoon California or Colorado Chili Powder

3/4 cup lard (blue box)

2 cups warm water

Add dry ingredients to the bowl and mix until well-blended. Add lard and cut into the dry mix--like you do for pie crust.

Add 1 cup warm water and mix by hand; add additional warm water to reach the right consistency as needed--with a double batch I add a little over 3 cups warm water. Do not make more than a double batch of the masa at a time.

Assemble tamales

The most time consuming step.

1 package dry corn husks (about 70 husks)

35-feet kitchen twine, cut into 6-inch pieces

Soak the corn husks in warm water for at least 15 minutes.

Roll a small of masa in your hands until it's the size of a fat thumb. Place the masa roll on a single corn husk (about 12 inches square). Smash out the masa until it is a 3 to 4 inch circle about a half inch thick.

In the middle of the masa circle, place a tablespoon of shredded meat, a pinch of crumbled queso and a canned and sliced jalapeno. You can use different mix-ins if you like.

Now pat out a smaller circle of masa (about the size of a quarter), place it on top of the meat, cheese and jalapeno. Use your fingers to stretch the masa out so the meat, cheese and jalapeno are completely covered.

Next use your burrito wrapping skills to fold in the sides of the corn husk. You want the masa to seal at the edges so none of the meat, cheese or jalapeno is poking out. Lay the sides of the corn husk back down and flat.

Pull the bottom of the corn husk up, over the top of the masa, gently pul the corn husk down until the masa feels tight. Then pull the sides of the corn husk back over the masa, wrapping it like a present.

Now use the kitchen twine to tie the top of the masa like a small purse. (They should look like the ones in the photo.)

Steam

Using a pot of boiling water, a colander and a lid steam the wrapped tamales for 15-20 minutes depending on size.

Remove from the colander using tongs.

Let cool. Enjoy!

Tamales is an all day process and shouldn't be taken lightly. If you are serious about making tamales give yourself plenty of time and space. Good luck!

The South in the City of Salt

Squeezed in between two decimated buildings, across the street from Murphy's Downtown is a tiny new restaurant well worth the wait. The Bayleaf Cafe was originally slated to open in fall 2008, they finally opened their door in early September 2009. I don't know what happened in that extra year, but I'm sure happy they got it together an opened up.

This place is brought to Salt Lake City via Georgia. Everything from the decor to the menu screams the South to me. The cafe has a simple, clean elegance to it that makes their all night cafe tag line seem wrong. But it's not, Downtown officially has an all night restaurant that isn't Denny's--count your blessings. The one TV on the back wall seems out of place with the ambiance and decor, but give their Downtown Salt Lake City location I can't blame them for adding ESPN.

Although the wait staff is fairly new and inexperienced, they are helpful, friendly and happy to see you. The first visit I made was with Man-boy and we showed up buzzed. The waiter was chill and let us take our time ordering. At the waiter's suggestion I ordered the fried pickles to stave off my greasy, midnight, drunken food craving.

The pickles were the perfect fix. The chef uses a thick, crisp pickled battered in a spicy flour mixture. The pickles are deep fried just long enough for the batter to crisp then served with a side of fry sauce.

Pure deliciousness! I like pickles, but I normally wouldn't eat them without a hamburger. This appetizer I would happily eat as a meal, again.

And I did. The second visit I made to Bayleaf was with T. This time our waiter acted a little ADD. I'm not sure what was going on, but he seemed to have difficulty focusing on the waiting part of his job. He was exceptionally friendly and really sweet, just not waiter-ish.

Again, I ordered the fried pickles. Why explore the menu when you already know the best dish they serve, right? T had the hot wings to go with the football game on TV.

Once again, I loved the fried pickles and was completely happy with the dish. I have to try and make my own.

I couldn't resist the hot wings though. They were spicier than I expected. This place is so Southern, they serve drinks out of Mason Jars and sweet tea unless unsweetened is specified. I expected the usual definition of hot from the South as in mild. Nope, these wings were hot. The sauce had great flavor and was served with a fantastic blue cheese dressing (I'm guessing Lighthouse) and messy. Just the way great wings should be.

So for providing two lovely experiences I have to give Bayleaf mad props. I will be back again, not that I'll be venturing far from the fried pickles.

Film review: "And I thought could it be? A four man wolf pack?"

Hey, "The Hangover" is finally at the dollar theatre. You have no excuse to not watchi it now.

So basically, this movie is just awesome. I have never laughed so hard during a film in my life.

There are way too many funny lines for starters. From, "Dude, there's a tiger in the bathroom!" to "When's the next Haley's comet?" to keep anyone from cracking up. I especially love, "I think he looks like a Carols, too." But it just keeps going, every line is funny.

The actors did a superb job of making you believe the craziness of their Las Vegas visit. Not to mention, some of the best cameos I have ever seen in a film. Mike Tyson as himself is about the funniest thing in this comedy. And I cannot get over Bradley Cooper. I love this man! I'm going to meet his gorgeousness in real life and giggle madly.

The funny film manages to have a story line that is interesting although, like most comedies it is a thin attempt to hang a number of hysterical scenes together. Luckily, the way the director, cinematographer, writer and/or producer (there are way too many people making a single film to give only one of them credit) decided to show the story make the story line less necessary than most films and they begin right where they end so the audience is left with a sense of closure.

But finally where this film really blew me away was the camera work. When it comes to comedy, I'm a cynical disbeliever. I expect to see basic camera work, obvious jokes and obnoxious characters. Not with "The Hangover." The crew did an exquisite job of putting together interesting shots on a well-lit set with an amazing set design. The opening and closing shots visually tie the story line together while both are well-executed and artistically interesting. Pretty amazing for a summer blockbuster film.

The day this is on DVD it's in my movie collection. I still crack up every time someone mentions wolves because they are now a "four man wolf pack."

Food: Savory sweet breakfast

After a late night and an even later morning, I was craving breakfast with some serious punch so I came up with the savory and sweet combination of pancake eggs.

I've seen the "breakfast sandwich" on The Park Cafe menu, but I thought it sounded a little strange. Turns out, it's the perfect fix when you're starving for breakfast at 1 p.m.

First, for the pancake I threw together the Krusteaz mix (1/2 Cup mix with 1/2 Cup water) with a little cinnamon (about 1 teaspoon) and a little nutmeg (just a pinch).

Following Alton Brown's rules of pancake mixing, I whisked it four times clockwise and three time counter-clockwise. He says this keeps the dough soft and I concur since following this rule the texture of my pancakes has improved tremendously.

Next I poured the batter on my hot, buttery skillet.

Then I heated up a baby skillet for some egg frying. I used a little bit of spay-on grease and cracked the egg directly into the pan. I tossed in a pinch of Kosher salt and a dash of fresh ground pepper.

Back to the pancake side of the stove. When the dough on top started to bubble, I flipped the pancake to reveal a nice even golden brown crisp. My dad says the dough should bubble, burst and leave a hole in the dough. It's the best way I know to check a pancake is cooked without a lot of messy flipping.

I added just a drop of water to the frying egg and covered the pan. This is the key to properly frying eggs in my kitchen.

Then I removed the perfectly cooked pancake just like my dad taught me and slathered it with butter and syrup just like my mom would love.

Next I turned the flame off the egg and let it hiss for a couple minutes before sliding the egg on to the syrup drenched pancake.

Then into my tummy in about five minutes. This was such a delicious combination. I loved the salty sweet combination of syrup and salt. Plus the egg yolk mixed with the cinnamon, nutmeg pancake really well.

Now I'm off to enjoy a huge mug of coffee with loads of cream and sugar. Happy afternoon morning!

Life: Where I've been and other stories

First, where I've been.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. I was busy planning a film premiere that went really well. We're currently workshopping our next narrative film and hammering out a contract for a short documentary.

Then I have this paper to put together every couple weeks. It gets better every issue, I promise. I've even managed to write a few articles in the paper myself over the past months.

On Oct. 1 my beautiful niece, Sarah Anne was born so I had some serious family time. Big E even taught me how to make tamales. They were so delicious! My roommates and I couldn't stop eating them. Plus, they let me do tons of homework while I was visiting and I finally got caught up.

Second, the other stories.
There's even a theme! All my stories today are about men (boys?).

Up first is Man-boy.
He is fairly young, especially for the men I'm usually interested in. We work together and I knew he was interested months ago. We went on one coffee date and it didn't go very well. He's one of those guys who I like as a person and I think he's a good friend, but when it comes to attraction there is absolutely nothing between us.

I thought we were being friends and hanging out (as in drinking a couple beers and no physical contact every couple weeks) until I found out he told Ice we're dating. I'm not really sure how to handle that. I think the conversation will go like this:

Me
"Hey Man-boy, you know we're not dating, right?"

Man-boy looks at me like I'm crazy.

Me
"Because that would actually require you asking me out on a real date, physical attraction and spending time alone together. Three things that don't exist in this relationship."

Man-boy will either yell or leave. And it's quite possible he'll quit, which means I'm left doing his job and mine. Ah, me. Grown up responsibilities.

So this week I get to break up with someone I didn't even know I was dating.

Then there's Ghost.
I liked Ghost awhile back and I still kind of do. We had a more or less non-existent relationship. We liked each other, but neither of us was willing to make any effort to actually be in a relationship. At best, you could say we functioned as each other's booty call.

Then Ghost moved and I thought, "Well that's that. It was interesting-kind of wish it could've been something more."

Although in a different city, Ghost hasn't moved on. He text me the other day and wants things to go right back to how they were-only long distance. I'm not sure I'm okay with that.

What do I say? "Hey, I'm feeling more emotionally stable then I was nine months ago. So I'm not really up for that shitty feeling being a booty call leaves me with anymore. But if you want to try an actual relationship then I'm on board." I can see it now like a romantic comedy directed by Quentin Tarantino with slightly less blood.

And finally, there's T.
I actually like T. We met a few months ago and when he first asked me out, I said, "no." It was a bad time for me emotionally because of Ghost and I was out of town. Then he asked me out again and the second time, I said, "yes."

The date was great! We had a good time. We talked about everything from football to religion. We bonded over fried pickles, barbecue chicken wings and beer, pretty much the perfect Salty City date. I was totally ready for date number two.

And then he tells Facebook, "I really wish I could get over a girl." Awesome! At least when he never called, I wasn't surprsied just disappointed.

So between filmmaking, editing, writing, school, work and kind of-ish dating I haven't had much time for talking about food. I promise I still eat, I love beer and I've gotten really good at reheating leftovers in the microwave.